I got “got”

“So, is this your first time in an ambulance?” I ask, cheerily.

“Yea, it is” states a good number of the patients I care for.

“Great! Mine too!” I say, while preparing to jab them with a sharp object in order to start an IV.

I then go on to tell them that “Humor is the best medicine… unfortunately, Medicare/your insurance doesn’t pay to cover any *good* jokes”

And humor *IS* the best medicine. I joke around with dang near every patient, unless it would be really *really* inappropriate to do so. It calms the stress of both patient and providers, can alleviate pain by releasing positive endorphins, and makes the traumatic experience of an emergency less painful for the patients. An ambulance call is always a memorable experience (well, almost always unless the patient has a positive samsonite sign) and jokes help to make the memory more positive for the patient.

“What’s red and smells like paint?” I ask.

“I don’t know” says my patient.

“Uh… Red paint. You’ve gotta be quick in here”

Sometimes the patient knows the joke and answers correctly. To this I counter: “Ok, so what’s BLUE and smells like red paint?”

“uhhhh”

“Blue paint! Come on.. Paint all smells the same, right?”

Usually this elicits screams of laughter. Sometimes that is… Ok, never.

So today I’m talking to an elderly gentleman with a minor complaint that we’re taking out of one of our local nursing homes. He was in pain, but was in good spirits. He was one of those guys with a gruff exterior but one of those gooey centers that could be considered to be a “heart of gold”. He needed an evaluation and treatment at the ER, so we gently placed him on the cot and began taking him to the ambulance so that I could ask him if this was his first time in an ambulance (it wasn’t) and then jab him with a sharp object (he said it didn’t hurt). As my partner and I are wheeling him down the hall past the nurses’ station, the nurses comment about how I am carrying all of the bags while my female partner isn’t carrying anything.

I said “It’s ok. I was a pack mule in a former life”

And the patient said: “That makes a lot of sense, because you’re a jackass in this one too”

Looks like we’ll be needing a 14 gauge IV cath…

  • The Happy Medic

    Do you know what pig skin is used for?

    Um…footballs?

    No! To hold the pig together!

    Giggle

    If you laugh at that you are not well.

  • Ckemtp

    "Knock Knock"

    "Who's there?"

    "I eat Mop"

    "I eat mop who"

    "Ewww! You eat your poo!"

  • Michael Morse

    This gould get ugly. Hope so!

  • EMS Chick

    I absolutely loved this post, too darn funny

  • Pat

    LOL at the old man's response!

  • Cath

    OMG! A friend of mine once said that if you joke around and the patient doesn't laugh, you'd better run the lights and sirens, because he's really ill.

  • Ckemtp

    Hey Happy, I trotted out your joke like 14 times yesterday. Patients, ER staff, ICU staff, Coworkers, some random guy in a restaurant.

    My poor partners were um, thrilled.

    So a guy walks into a dentist's office. He walks up to the receptionist and says:

    "I think I'm a moth. I really think I'm a moth. You know, one of those little insects with wings?"

    The dental receptionist says:

    "Well Sir, I guess that's a medical problem… albeit probably a mental health issue. I have to ask though, why did you come into a *dentist's* office for that?"

    The guy goes: "Oh, because your light was on" (Action: Jump up and down like an idiot towards any overhead light)

background image Blogger Img

Chris Kaiser aka "Ckemtp"

I am a paramedic trying to advance the idea that the Emergency Medical Services can be made into the profession that we all want it, need it, and know it deserves to be.

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  • Comments
    Jessica Krause
    Stop Feeding the EMS Tee Trolls
    I may take you seriously when you learn proper grammar and spelling. Until then, here's a lesson: It's either 'Don't take it TOO hard' or 'Don't take it To HEART' depending on what you were trying to say.... It's not 'fetal mind' it's 'feeble mind' and 'You're worried not 'your worries' If you are going…
    2015-05-22 18:49:00
    Mark Tyson
    Stop Feeding the EMS Tee Trolls
    Oh your that guy who thinks he stands out above all others in our profession and feels he has "seen the shit" LOL. Your "combat vet" and "20+ years" in EMS make you very suspect simply by how you just presented yourself. How old are you? Its seems those who say they have seen more…
    2015-05-22 18:22:00
    Joe Paczkowski
    Stop Feeding the EMS Tee Trolls
    Apparently someone is wearing them because people keep trying to sell them. I have to imagine if no one was buying them they'd be long gone by now. Am I blaming any of EMS's problems on a t-shirt? No, not by a long shot. However if I saw a medic wearing one of those shirts,…
    2015-05-22 17:58:00
    Shaxspear
    Stop Feeding the EMS Tee Trolls
    Didn't take long for the usual proverbial dick measuring post to come out. Thanks for your service, but you could use a healthy dose of professionalism. Of course people aren't wearing this garbage at work but if they're still wearing it in public, then it obviously identifies you as EMS. The shit is tacky, and…
    2015-05-22 15:59:00
    drkervorkianjr
    Stop Feeding the EMS Tee Trolls
    I spent 30 years as an EMT and I own a paddling shirt( did field testing for AED)plus a DNR t shirt worn only during drinking excursions at EMS conferences. Yup some of those shirts are dumb but what the heck it stimulates someone's economy. But here in the big city we have folks we…
    2015-05-22 15:03:00

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