I got “got”

“So, is this your first time in an ambulance?” I ask, cheerily.

“Yea, it is” states a good number of the patients I care for.

“Great! Mine too!” I say, while preparing to jab them with a sharp object in order to start an IV.

I then go on to tell them that “Humor is the best medicine… unfortunately, Medicare/your insurance doesn’t pay to cover any *good* jokes”

And humor *IS* the best medicine. I joke around with dang near every patient, unless it would be really *really* inappropriate to do so. It calms the stress of both patient and providers, can alleviate pain by releasing positive endorphins, and makes the traumatic experience of an emergency less painful for the patients. An ambulance call is always a memorable experience (well, almost always unless the patient has a positive samsonite sign) and jokes help to make the memory more positive for the patient.

“What’s red and smells like paint?” I ask.

“I don’t know” says my patient.

“Uh… Red paint. You’ve gotta be quick in here”

Sometimes the patient knows the joke and answers correctly. To this I counter: “Ok, so what’s BLUE and smells like red paint?”

“uhhhh”

“Blue paint! Come on.. Paint all smells the same, right?”

Usually this elicits screams of laughter. Sometimes that is… Ok, never.

So today I’m talking to an elderly gentleman with a minor complaint that we’re taking out of one of our local nursing homes. He was in pain, but was in good spirits. He was one of those guys with a gruff exterior but one of those gooey centers that could be considered to be a “heart of gold”. He needed an evaluation and treatment at the ER, so we gently placed him on the cot and began taking him to the ambulance so that I could ask him if this was his first time in an ambulance (it wasn’t) and then jab him with a sharp object (he said it didn’t hurt). As my partner and I are wheeling him down the hall past the nurses’ station, the nurses comment about how I am carrying all of the bags while my female partner isn’t carrying anything.

I said “It’s ok. I was a pack mule in a former life”

And the patient said: “That makes a lot of sense, because you’re a jackass in this one too”

Looks like we’ll be needing a 14 gauge IV cath…

  • The Happy Medic

    Do you know what pig skin is used for?

    Um…footballs?

    No! To hold the pig together!

    Giggle

    If you laugh at that you are not well.

  • Ckemtp

    "Knock Knock"

    "Who's there?"

    "I eat Mop"

    "I eat mop who"

    "Ewww! You eat your poo!"

  • Michael Morse

    This gould get ugly. Hope so!

  • EMS Chick

    I absolutely loved this post, too darn funny

  • Pat

    LOL at the old man's response!

  • Cath

    OMG! A friend of mine once said that if you joke around and the patient doesn't laugh, you'd better run the lights and sirens, because he's really ill.

  • Ckemtp

    Hey Happy, I trotted out your joke like 14 times yesterday. Patients, ER staff, ICU staff, Coworkers, some random guy in a restaurant.

    My poor partners were um, thrilled.

    So a guy walks into a dentist's office. He walks up to the receptionist and says:

    "I think I'm a moth. I really think I'm a moth. You know, one of those little insects with wings?"

    The dental receptionist says:

    "Well Sir, I guess that's a medical problem… albeit probably a mental health issue. I have to ask though, why did you come into a *dentist's* office for that?"

    The guy goes: "Oh, because your light was on" (Action: Jump up and down like an idiot towards any overhead light)

background image Blogger Img

Chris Kaiser aka "Ckemtp"

I am a paramedic trying to advance the idea that the Emergency Medical Services can be made into the profession that we all want it, need it, and know it deserves to be.

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  • Comments
    Two New EMS-Themed Reality TV Shows on ABC | Public Safety
    More EMS Scenarios for the Real World
    […] Real-life scenarios are a powerful tool to utilize in public safety training. Watching emergency scenarios can help first responders analyze the best course of action before they are in a real-life situation. Watching real life scenarios such as those displayed on Save My Life: Boston Trauma and Boston EMS allows public safety personnel to look at…
    2015-07-31 15:08:30
    Amy Lee
    The Home Cook vs. the Professional Chef – What EMS Can Learn from Cooking
    Cookbook medicine. The Medical Director of my Paramedic School...way back when...was fond of saying that. It was a term I took seriously, and wasn't afraid of branching away from those "recipes". I still take it seriously as a LPN, working geriatric dementia. Some people get stuck, or don't bother to utilize the critical thinking skills…
    2015-07-25 12:05:00
    The Home Cook vs. the Professional Chef - What EMS Can Learn from Cooking | Life Under the Lights
    Call PAPPA for Chest Pain – A helpful Mnemonic for Paramedics and EMTs
    […] a pulmonary embolism, aneurysm, pneumothorax, pericarditis, or an acute coronary syndrome (PAPPA for chest pain) and know how to differentiate between and tailor their treatment towards those […]
    2015-07-24 10:15:23
    Ckemtp
    The Home Cook vs. the Professional Chef – What EMS Can Learn from Cooking
    You're the guy? I knew I had a chef or two in the audience! Thanks for the kind words.
    2015-07-23 18:12:00
    PJ_Geraghty
    Red Lights to the Left of them, Blue to the right! – Coloring Emergency Lighting
    I really thought we had settled all this on UseNet in the 1990s. (Kidding, kind of.) As a now-retired responder, the bigger issue is our over-use of emergency response in general. We kill/injure many more people (civilian and provider) in "emergency" responses than we save. We need a national standard dictating which cases and which…
    2015-07-23 17:19:00

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