Lo’ my brethren, I shall tell you a tale. This is a tale of daring, and of courage true. The Knights of the Land named RescueSquadia are small in number but large in bravery and true of heart. Our enemies may laugh at us to our faces, but they make comments both snide and snarky in our absence.
On this day, the Knights of the Realm gathered ‘round the particleboard table in the castle keep for the Meeting of the Morning and changing of the guard from the knights on watch for the day before. King Chief, supreme emperor of the land slumbered deep in his well-appointed chamber far from the castle keep for today was a day of celebration. Today the flags fly high and the townspeople rejoiced in their leisure. They gave nary a thought to the knights of the realm now charged with the protection of their health from the scourge of the demon Alcoholio and PartiaTooHardus. Lord (Tall) Christopher was the appointed master of the day and addressed his brave knights by name.
Lt. Chris “Brave knights, Sir CK, Sir Thaddeus, Sir Nacho, and Lady Nik. Pray tell me of your readiness to serve our fair land on this day of celebration! Today we shall fight the demons and shall seek to avoid confrontation with the Scourge of Transfer Longdistancia and the Call of the Nursing Facility Skilled.”
Sir CK “Lt, I pray thee to remember that everything today shall be treated at the level of life support basic. For today, this brave knight paramedic is lethargic and crabby after my long, hard battle with insomnia the night before.”
Lt Chris “Sir Ck, pray I smell upon thee the scent of the feces of the male bovine and I tell thee that life support of the advanced shall be performed today, unless the turn to perform life support of the advanced shall fall to me, Lord tall of the day. Then, I shall call upon the Basic knights of the realm to handle the call so that I might increase my time to slumber deep and prepare myself for the coming challenge.”
Sir Thaddeus “The scent of the feces of the male bovine permeates deep into the nose of this Knight Basic.”
Lady Nik “I concur”
At that moment, a great disquiet fell upon the chamber for the pager of great inconvenience rang out with its non-emergency tone. All of the knights looked at each other with new resolve, knowing that a time of inconvenience was near.
Lt Chris “Lo, the great Dispatcher Sir James is not in his chamber on this day for want of celebration of the holiday. Today the call of the pager of great inconvenience beckons for me and for me alone. The duty is mine, and I shall answer”
Lt Chris brought forth a gadget from his armor created by the wizards of the tower BlackBerry which allowed him communication with faeries at length. He spoke to them through this dark magic and a deep furrow came upon his brow.
Lt Chris “Sir Thaddeus, I implore thee to my service! As a Knight Basic of the realm, I pray thee to use thy status as Knight Basic of Least Seniority of this day to press forward on a quest of great valor.”
Sir Thaddeus “Dang it… oh, I mean – Lt Chris, why dost thou roust me from my daydreaming? What is this quest of which you speak?”
Lt Chris “Brave Sir Thaddeus, I implore thee, at the hour of highest sun you shall leave upon a quest. Gather thyself a Wheelchair chariot and obtain thyself a patient from the Nursing Facility Skilled and transport them to their appointment. For today, the squires of the Wheelchair van, um, er chariot service are at rest.”
Sir Thaddeus (Grumbling) “This is the feces of the male bovine…”
After telling tales of valor and gallantry the knights went forth to the Bay of Ambulancia to ready their chariots and weaponry for the battles sure to lay ahead. Chariot Medic 98 was due for a thorough cleaning, disinfection, and inventory per the Scroll of Daily Chores and the Knights bravely met the challenge with gallantry. Soon, the Bay of Ambulancia was filled with the noise of brave knights hard upon the tasks of checking and cleaning weapons and chariots. All chariots and weaponry were in order and the Task of Morning coffee and further shooting of the feces of the male bovine commenced.
A lot of feces of the male bovine was shot by the brave knights as they partook in further morning coffee. I, your humble narrator shall spare you the details. Sir CK, however, undertook the task of searching the ethereal plains of YouTubery for videos hilarious to post upon The Blog Life Under the Lights.
Sir Thaddeus, the begrudging, parted company with the rest of the knights in his Chariot of Wheelchair transpotery and undertook the quest. The rest of the knights gathered in the main office, er, castle walls and surveyed the landscape preparing for battle.
As the sun rose higher in its celestial arc upon the summer sky, very little noise spewed forth upon the boxes of communication affixed to the knight’s armor. The brave Lord (tall) Christopher again roused the knights from their preparing for battle with a call to order, for a new quest was upon them.
Lt Chris “Brave knights, my innards are rife with a craving for lunchy deliciousness. I ask thee, what are thy plans for a sumptuous repast for the noontime meal?”
Sir Nacho “Lt Chris, I too am famished and wish for that we partook to the banquet hall De Taco Bell for our noontime meal. The fair maidens at the Counter of Ordering in the Banquet Hall De Taco Bell have my fancy and their sustenance is rife with sought after deliciousness.”
Lady Nik “Skknnnnnnnnxxx” for a spell of lethargy had been cast upon her and she had fallen to slumber in the Castle Lounge”
Sir CK “Brave knights, I ask thee a question. I have been preparing a recipe of utmost deliciousness. My heart and soul are willing to lay down my culinary skills at your feet for your sustenance. I pray thee ask, shall I smoke the baby back ribs for the evening meal?”
Lt Chris “Sir Ck, your head is full of duncery! That shall not help me in my quest for lunchy deliciousness and the noontime meal!”
Sir Ck “Dunderhead! Lord (tall) Chris, it is the evening meal I spoke of, I shall have to prepare the beast for roasting now if the meal shall be of desired deliciousness in time for the evening meal!”
And so the knights waited for the return of Gallant Sir Thaddeus and then left on a quest for the Banquet Hall de Taco Bell where for Sir Nacho had been smitten by the serving maidens. Sir Ck did not quest with the others, as he was busied by the task to drive traffic to the Blog Life Under the Lights in celebration of the Labor Day Extravaganza. Soon thereafter, Sir Ck departed in the Chariot ALS Interceptor for the Walled Realm of Mart for the procurement of sustenance for the evening meal. He fought hard and slay many a dragon and shopper in the quest for the most delicious baby back ribs of beast and other sundry accoutrements for his Rib Recipe of great magic passed down by his clan before him through the centuries. Retiring quickly for the food preparation chamber, he began the arduous labor of preparing the magical recipe. The Baby back ribs of beast had just been placed in the magic potion of marinade when a horrendous noise issued forth from the box of communication upon Sir Ck’s hip. A citizen of the realm was in need and Brave Sir Ck and Lady Nik were being called upon to charge to his rescue.
“To Chariot Medic 98!” shouted Sir Ck as he and Lady Nik set forth for the harrowing rescue. The demon CVA was possibly attacking someone and our magic talismans were needed to stave off some of th
e damage whilst transporting the patient to the Kingdom of Eeearia for further evaluation by the Lord High EeeArr EmmDee.
After a hard fought battle, Sir Ck and Lady Nik emerged back into service victorious against the demon CVA. Sir Ck wasted no time in removing the Baby Back ribs of Beast from the magical potion of marinade and rubbing them with his magic dry rub powder made from a secret blend of magical herbs picked from the fields of the Walled realm of Mart. Once this task was performed, the fires of Grilling were prepared and the smoking of roast beast commenced.
Lt Chris returned to the Knights chambers and was pleased with the progress of the roasting beast. The smell of which filled the land with happiness and joy. This was until the tones of foreboding emanated from the box of communication on the knight’s armor set forth upon them.
“Lo there be a collision involving multiple chariots with numerous townsfolk needing our magic healing talismans in the next kingdom over” called forth the box of communication. Lt Chris, sensing that this would be a call of great gloryhoggishness spoke to Sir Ck.
“Sir Ck! Since henceforth thou shalt be cooking the roast baby back ribs of great deliciousness, wouldst though send me in your place to the collision of multiple chariots on the mutual aid to the next kingdom over?” asked Lt Chris.
“Serve me well, Lord (tall) Christopher, Serve well in my place… for I shall be in the middle of evoking great majicks in pursuit of great deliciousness for the evening repast whilst though is battling the Demon Trauma brought forth by the scourge of Alcoholio” brave Sir Ck did say to Lt Chris.
Lt Chris fought well alongside the companionship of Sir Nacho against the Demon Trauma in the next town over and after returning from the Kingdom of Eeearia and after speaking with King EeeArr EmmDee they did come back to the Castle Keep of ResqueSquadia to enjoy the finest Baby Back Ribs of beast magically roasted in great deliciousness. Great rejoicing did commence and the feces of the male bovine was shot over videos played forth from the Ethereal Plains of YouTubia of Indian brothers dancing and singing (which has really been a theme today, hasn’t it)
And I, your humble servant narrator shall end this tale of bravery. It has not ended. The brave knights of the realm ResqueSquadia still lie in wait until the next Changing of the Guard ceremony which will commence in 8 short hours. New knights will take their places. Lives hang in the balance.
Sleep well, citizens. Sleep well