In an Instant

I just have to write this story down. Itís a bitÖ well, I donít know how it isÖ but if The Happy Medic can use his blog as an online therapy journal, I guess that I can as well.

I just canít shake an incident that happened to me. I canít get it out of my head. It happened years ago while I was off-duty and was hanging out with a friend who I havenít had much contact with in recent years. However, a recent conversation with that friend brought a lot of memories flooding back into my consciousness and I figure that if I write it down it might help me shake it.

Iíve written a lot about sadness in the past, especially the sadness that we as EMS providers are exposed to on a daily basis in our careers. It surrounds us. Most people shy away from the death, destruction, and sheer madness that abound in the Human Condition but EMS people are special. We cannot shield ourselves from the external pain that death, injury, and illness bring. Thankfully this pain is most often being experienced by strangers and our role is to bear witness to it and attempt to intervene as best as any human can when faced by the insurmountable fact that we are indeed fragile mortal beings. While I have worked upon family members, Iíve been blessed in that Iíve been mostly left untouched by trauma and death inflicted on my loved-ones. Not to say that I havenít experienced the loss of those close to me, just that I can understand that everyone dies and sometimes itís at the worst possible time. We donít control that. Sometimes we can prolong the inevitable but a lot of the time circumstances are simply beyond the power of any mortal being.

This case was one of those times.

It was the Fourth of July in the Midwest. The chill of winter had long since been buried in the recesses of our memories and the hot times of summer were upon us. Like good, God-fearing, Red-Blooded, Midwestern Americans we were set upon celebrating our countryís independence in the way we are best accustomed, by getting together and partying our butts off. Midwestern parties, especially the ones frequented by the age bracket I was a member of at the time, involve alcohol, loud music, and strangers popping in and out of the door set upon sampling the festivities. It was common to make new friends and acquaintances and uncommon, at least in the crowd I ran with, to have any trouble. That was fine with me. I was a functioning career paramedic and had been so for a few years. I get my excitement on the streets and am quite content to relax and have a good time when Iím off duty. I still donít get too loud or too wild and still enjoy observing the antics of more animated people when they have a bit too much to drink. Staying sober has always made things more enjoyable for me when at these kinds of events. This party was no different. A coworker of my best friend had invited us all to his hip apartment in the city which featured the entire rooftop of the building as a patio. My girlfriend at the time, her friend, and I were sitting on a parapet wall of the roof watching the college kids from the school in town have their fun. The party was one story from the ground and was full of people. I only knew probably a good ten percent of the people there, but Iíve always been comfortable making new friends. We were having a blast. Good Music, Good Friends, and Cheap Keg Beer. Good times.

Then reality hit.

I got a knot that set quickly in the pit of my stomach when I heard a sickening crack and saw a crowd of people run towards a sky light that happened to be in the middle of the roof. Walking towards it I could get a sense of what happened. Through the panicked crowd of onlookers I made my way to the side of what was now an open hole. Some kid had been attempting to step over the skylight when he lost his footing and fell. The thin, translucent plastic had given way immediately allowing his body to plummet the twenty or so feet to the unforgiving concrete floor below. I looked down and saw him lying motionless on the floorÖ It was dark and the visibility was very poor, but I could see the expanding circle of dark blood flowing out from this poor kidís head.

Snapping into my official mode I grabbed the host of the party by both shoulders. ďHow do I get down thereĒ. His blank stare of horror met me back as he stammered ďI… I… I donít knowĒ. An anonymous person in the crowd shouted ďSomeone get a rope and lower me down thereĒ and I knew that the crowd would not be helpful in this situation. I told the host to call 911 and handed him his cell phone that was clipped to his belt. I then left the roof, ran down through the apartment and out onto the street. It was oddly quiet as I surveyed the surroundings. None of the shrieks of the crowd above had seemed to make it to street level. As I looked at the building I found a garage door that seemed to have light shining through its windows that could have come through the skylight. I looked, and sure enough, there lay the kid on the concrete floor of the garage.

They say that human beings have the capacity for great strength when faced with horrific circumstances. Iím no neurologist, or psychologist, or anyone who studies such thingsÖ but I believe that it has to do something with the fact that our nervous system keeps our muscles from achieving their full capacity for strength when weíre not under extreme duress. Itís the phenomenon where grandmothers are able to lift a car up off of their grandchildren and such. When adrenaline is so prevalent in our bodies, we are all capable of things greater than we imagine.

This was one of those times for me. My best friend said that above the din of the horrified crowd, through the building and onto the roof, he heard a guttural yell. It was me. Iíd simply decided that the locked garage door was going to open whether it liked it or not. I grabbed it and opened it about a foot against the protestations if its locking mechanisms. To that day and from that day on Iíve never accomplished a feat quite like that and I donít think that I could again. Iíve never been the most physical person I know and the thought of spending hours in the gym picking up heavy pieces of steel in a repetitive fashion simply bores me to tears. While I am a good Midwestern Farm Boy, I canít claim to be someone who could rip open a garage door with my bear hands if I was asked to do so in normal circumstances. However, this time I did. Nothing was going to stop me from taking care of that stranger.

When I crawled in to the garage I made my way to the kid in the dark. He lay prone, slightly rotated to his Left side, and he was breathing rapidly and shallowly. The air he was moving made sick gurgling noises in his airway that was full of blood. There was blood pouring from his ears, nose, mouth, and scalp and I could guess that his head had stopped his vertical progress when it met the concrete. I checked for responsiveness and found none. Someone from above me yelled out ďDonít touch him!Ē as I moved to open his airway with a Jaw Thrust and I heard a murmur run through the crowd above as my friend shouted ďHeís a ParamedicĒ. I positioned his airway as best I could with no tools, alone, in the dark and shouted for someone above to send down my friend who was an EMT and my girlfriend at the time who was an EMT and paramedic-in-training. After a few moments, they made it to the garage and together we positioned the patient in a left lateral-recumbent position to protect his spine and allow for the blood to drain out of his airway. We kept him like that until a paramedic in uniform crawled in with equipment.

The medic, an acquaintance of mine, worked for the local fire department. I was not a member and was off-duty and out of my jurisdiction. His partner followed soon after and I helped them ready their intubation equipment after giving them a report on my assessment. They tubed him before we helped them package him in c-spine precautions. After that, the engine company called for a few guys to help them open the garage door. I did, as did some of the other guys there, and this is strange. Even with six guys attempting to raise the garage door higher, the door wouldnít budge. The engine crew had to slice through the locking mechanism with a saw. Thereís no way I could have opened that door by myself but somehow I did. I donít know how either.

The more experienced members of the audience already know how this story endedÖ with a family hoping against hope and with the strangerís life expiring shortly after he took one slight misstep at a party. He didnít plan to die that day and his family didnít plan on experiencing the pain and lost that they undoubtedly did. I did go to the ER to check on his status, but only stayed for a few moments after I spoke with his nurse. I didnít need to hear the family wail and lament. I didnít need to know who the kid was. I had played my role to the letter and that was all I intended to do. Itís not that Iím callousÖ just that I get enough sadness on duty, thank you.

And interestingly, from that day Iíve only talked about that incident about three or four times. Iíd almost forgotten about it. Really. It was just another traumatic death to bear witness to for a person who dedicates a career to that kind of stuff, it only shocked those who were uninitiated. At least so I thought until I talked to my friend and I was brought right back there to that skylight, to the Fourth of July, and to blood and death marring the innocence of a crowd of people who didnít know that kind of stuff could really happen.

If youíve read this far, thanks for helping with my therapy session. I feel better after getting this out. This isnít a story about any kind of heroics or any nonsense like that, rather itís a story about futility and fragility. Itís a teachable moment that helped formulate who I am as a person and as a paramedic.

If youíd like more on my feelings on Sadness in EMS, read this: ďSplashed Sadness† – A Look at Negative Emotions in EMSĒ

Thank you.

  • http://twitter.com/Jeramedic Jeremiah Bush

    Yes its true that we in some ways are desensitized to the horrors of life, or in this case death. But I think in some ways its because 99.8% of the time we experience it “at work”. At work our mind set is different, we subconsciously expect to experience things like that. We put on a costume and go play the role, and can almost pretend its not real. It is of course real, and we know that, but its different. Even off duty we are still medics, that wont change. But perhaps our “shields” are down some, and we can see both sides of the coin.

    I'd argue that as much as this was not a story of heroics, there were many heroic acts. You were the calm in the chaos, the incredible hulk, the one who acted instead watched. You knew what to do, and you did your best. You did what was right, remember that.

    Be well my friend.

  • http://twitter.com/Jeramedic Jeremiah Bush

    Yes its true that we in some ways are desensitized to the horrors of life, or in this case death. But I think in some ways its because 99.8% of the time we experience it “at work”. At work our mind set is different, we subconsciously expect to experience things like that. We put on a costume and go play the role, and can almost pretend its not real. It is of course real, and we know that, but its different. Even off duty we are still medics, that wont change. But perhaps our “shields” are down some, and we can see both sides of the coin.

    I'd argue that as much as this was not a story of heroics, there were many heroic acts. You were the calm in the chaos, the incredible hulk, the one who acted instead watched. You knew what to do, and you did your best. You did what was right, remember that.

    Be well my friend.

  • http://crazythoughtsfromacrazynewt.blogspot.com/ CrazyNewt

    A few days ago, I was discussing some of our more bizarre calls with a fellow first aider, who now runs the first aid supply shop near my work. We were talking about some of the weird stuff we've seen (not even at EMT level, mind you, but we still get our fair share of stuff) and she mentioned a call much like Jeremiah was talking about – namely, it was a call where she was not “at work” and it changed how she saw the whole event.

    Basically, a cashier at a grocery store had a seizure and hit her head on the cash register as she went down. Our first aider took about fifteen seconds before it clicked in “here's what you do”, and then she did amazingly while she waited for the parameds to arrive.

    I think that's why an event that isn't really that far out of the ordinary for you (unfortunately) sticks out in your mind – you weren't wearing your paramedic armour. You weren't equipped with anything (not even OPAs or a CPR mask!). You had absolutely no backup.

    ANyways. My two cents.

  • Pingback: In an Instant | Life Under the Lights

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention In an Instant | Life Under the Lights -- Topsy.com

  • http://www.firegeezer.com Mike "FossilMedic" Ward

    Chris:

    Thanks for sharing your experience.

    I am writing this at 4:30 in the morning.

    When I was on the job, this was the time I would get up so I could get to the fire station by 6 am. Now it is when I start writing, before the distractions and urgencies take over my consciousness.

    What is always present at this time of the morning are the “ghosts” of earlier incidents, like the one you shared.

    Besides the very public incidents are the private experiences. Like the middle-of-the night encounter with a panic-filled spouse who woke up because her husband was gurgling in their shared bed.

    Or new parents devastated by a SIDS death. Or the cardiac arrest patient that “talked” to my partner while intubated and pulseless.

    Unlike Paramedic Frank Pierce (Nicholas Cage – Bringing Out The Dead – 1999) or Firefighter Tommy Gavin (Denis Leary – Rescue Me) these ghosts are not an indication of emotional breakdown or advanced alcoholism.

    They are part of the tapestry of the blanket of care we provide. We bear witness and occasionally facilitate this unimaginable experience, On and off duty.

    Mark's post earlier this month describes what we become from this process:
    http://999medic.com/2010/05/03/a-sons-goodbye/

    With the encounters of sadness, and horror, comes the caregiver compassion.

    Mike

  • http://www.firegeezer.com Mike "FossilMedic" Ward

    Chris:

    Thanks for sharing your experience.

    I am writing this at 4:30 in the morning.

    When I was on the job, this was the time I would get up so I could get to the fire station by 6 am. Now it is when I start writing, before the distractions and urgencies take over my consciousness.

    What is always present at this time of the morning are the “ghosts” of earlier incidents, like the one you shared.

    Besides the very public incidents are the private experiences. Like the middle-of-the night encounter with a panic-filled spouse who woke up because her husband was gurgling in their shared bed.

    Or new parents devastated by a SIDS death. Or the cardiac arrest patient that “talked” to my partner while intubated and pulseless.

    Unlike Paramedic Frank Pierce (Nicholas Cage – Bringing Out The Dead – 1999) or Firefighter Tommy Gavin (Denis Leary – Rescue Me) these ghosts are not an indication of emotional breakdown or advanced alcoholism.

    They are part of the tapestry of the blanket of care we provide. We bear witness and occasionally facilitate this unimaginable experience, On and off duty.

    Mark's post earlier this month describes what we become from this process:
    http://999medic.com/2010/05/03/a-sons-goodbye/

    With the encounters of sadness, and horror, comes the caregiver compassion.

    Mike

  • Pingback: Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-23 | Life Under the Lights

  • Old_NFO

    Thanks for sharing this. I think we all separate our professional lives from our private lives, and in your case, the professional intruded into the private. What made it worse is you 'knew' the futility up front, but did your 'job' anyway… As a side note, I think we ALL have those incidents that just refuse to go away, and still pop into our heads at the most inopportune times.

  • Old_NFO

    Thanks for sharing this. I think we all separate our professional lives from our private lives, and in your case, the professional intruded into the private. What made it worse is you 'knew' the futility up front, but did your 'job' anyway… As a side note, I think we ALL have those incidents that just refuse to go away, and still pop into our heads at the most inopportune times.

  • Pingback: The EMT Spot » The May 2010 Handover Blog Carnival

  • Pingback: Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-30 | Life Under the Lights

  • Pingback: The EMT Spot » The May EMS Roundup

  • http://bit.ly/gwalter gwalter

    Well said FossilMedic!

  • http://bit.ly/gwalter gwalter

    Several years ago, a younger cousin called me and asked about becoming a paramedic. Like I always did when I got these sort of inquiries, I tried to talk him out of it.

    Nobody told me about these images that would be burned into my brain. No one told me about the high divorce rate of EMS professionals. I wasn't told about the sleepless nights, wondering if I'd done all I could, handled the scene well, or even contributed to the situation.

    One night in particular still haunts me. I was only 21, it was very early in my career. When I returned to the station, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep – in fact, I knew that if I went to my bunk, I'd probably start bawling. I was fortunate to have a dispatcher (and a slow night) who let me talk through this call – and other distractions until shift change.

    Thanks for having the courage to be vulnerable – you are a great writer! I really appreciate the title of your blog!

  • http://bit.ly/gwalter gwalter

    Well said FossilMedic!

  • http://bit.ly/gwalter gwalter

    Several years ago, a younger cousin called me and asked about becoming a paramedic. Like I always did when I got these sort of inquiries, I tried to talk him out of it.

    Nobody told me about these images that would be burned into my brain. No one told me about the high divorce rate of EMS professionals. I wasn't told about the sleepless nights, wondering if I'd done all I could, handled the scene well, or even contributed to the situation.

    One night in particular still haunts me. I was only 21, it was very early in my career. When I returned to the station, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep – in fact, I knew that if I went to my bunk, I'd probably start bawling. I was fortunate to have a dispatcher (and a slow night) who let me talk through this call – and other distractions until shift change.

    Thanks for having the courage to be vulnerable – you are a great writer! I really appreciate the title of your blog!

  • http://www.kslights.com led street lights

    This great post. Its a big help, i learn more from it. Thanks for the idea share. Iíll come back often.

  • http://www.scaredyfish.com Andrew Patterson

    I’m always told I’m a new medic so they expect me to remember my calls. “You’ll forget this stuff as you get older and get more experience.” It seemed that no one around me had been effected by their calls. It really made me feel that there was something wrong with me or that I was still to new to understand the secret. As I got into reading blogs and writing my own, I found that there were a lot of people who had similar feelings. It’s nice to be able to talk to them and know that we are all here for each other. I am divorced, not entirely because of EMS but I know it didn’t help. I still have calls that with the right smell or sound I know I’m not getting any sleep that night. Thanks for sharing your story.

background image Blogger Img

Chris Kaiser aka "Ckemtp"

I am a paramedic trying to advance the idea that the Emergency Medical Services can be made into the profession that we all want it, need it, and know it deserves to be.

JEMS Talk: Google Hangout

Categories
  • 2009 (2)
  • 911 (4)
  • 911 fail (20)
  • accident (4)
  • ACLS (3)
  • Administration & Leadership (85)
  • aed (2)
  • AHA (3)
  • Als (9)
  • ALS Intercept (14)
  • Ambulance (90)
  • Ambulance cleaning (4)
  • Ambulance Driver (6)
  • ambulance humor (20)
  • Ambulance maintenance (4)
  • ambulance report (3)
  • American Heart Association (3)
  • amulance (1)
  • appreciation (13)
  • attack (2)
  • bad calls (5)
  • Bed pan (1)
  • Bed pans (1)
  • bedpan (1)
  • bernoulli (1)
  • blog (5)
  • blogger (4)
  • blogosphere (3)
  • boy scouts (1)
  • camaraderie (2)
  • Case law (2)
  • cat puke (1)
  • cats (1)
  • CCC (5)
  • CCR (7)
  • CDC (1)
  • change (20)
  • chart (1)
  • CISD (3)
  • ckemtp (14)
  • ckemtp rants (29)
  • cnn fail (1)
  • code-3 (2)
  • comfort (1)
  • Command & Leadership (54)
  • cool pics of thunderstorm (1)
  • courtesy (2)
  • cpr (10)
  • cpr fail (4)
  • cpr save (4)
  • crisis (6)
  • dave barry (2)
  • dextrocardia (1)
  • disaster (2)
  • disinfection (4)
  • Dispatch & Communications (2)
  • DNR (5)
  • Do Not Resuscitate Order (5)
  • domestic violence (1)
  • Dr. Bledsoe (1)
  • drive fast (2)
  • duty boots (2)
  • Economics (17)
  • edemse (28)
  • EKG (10)
  • Emergency Communications (5)
  • Emergency Medical Services (189)
  • Emergency Nurse (11)
  • Emergency room (11)
  • Emergency Room Nurse (5)
  • emotions (17)
  • EMS (250)
  • ems 2.0 (67)
  • EMS Blog (19)
  • EMS Blog Carnival (3)
  • EMS blogosphere (11)
  • ems boots (1)
  • EMS Conference (4)
  • EMS Dispatch (3)
  • ems education (54)
  • EMS ethics (54)
  • ems garage (2)
  • EMS Health & Safety (69)
  • EMS Humor (41)
  • EMS Management (52)
  • EMS Motivation (21)
  • EMS motivational posters (1)
  • ems narrative (7)
  • EMS narrative report (6)
  • ems pants (1)
  • EMS paramedics (25)
  • ems patient care report (6)
  • EMS pay sucks (7)
  • ems pcr (1)
  • EMS pep talk (21)
  • EMS practice (8)
  • EMS protocol project (1)
  • EMS protocols (12)
  • EMS rant (27)
  • ems report (3)
  • EMS safety (10)
  • ems salary (8)
  • ems scenario (9)
  • ems scenario based education (12)
  • EMS system (9)
  • EMS Topics (237)
  • EMS training (58)
  • ems uniforms (1)
  • EMS week (10)
  • EMS Week 2009 (2)
  • ems week 2010 (8)
  • EMT (73)
  • emt narrative (3)
  • EMT-Intermediate (6)
  • EMT-Paramedic Specialist (5)
  • ER (8)
  • ET Intubation (3)
  • Ethics (27)
  • everyday ems ethics (29)
  • explosion video (1)
  • extrication (1)
  • ez-io (2)
  • FEMA (2)
  • fire (13)
  • fire boots (2)
  • Fire department (38)
  • fire department taser training (1)
  • Fire Dispatch (1)
  • Fire Prevention & Education (4)
  • Fire Rescue Topics (96)
  • fire truck (1)
  • Firefighter (21)
  • Firefighter Safety & Health (20)
  • firefighter Tazed (1)
  • Firefighting Operations (4)
  • Fires (2)
  • first call (1)
  • first day of school (1)
  • first responder (2)
  • friendly (1)
  • Funding & Staffing (15)
  • funny (8)
  • grumblemedics (6)
  • Happy Medic (2)
  • harry reid (1)
  • HazMat (1)
  • hospital (5)
  • humor (14)
  • hurricane (1)
  • idph (3)
  • illinois (4)
  • In the Line of Duty (13)
  • infection control (5)
  • information (1)
  • inside the mind of a paramedic (16)
  • intraosseous (3)
  • Introduction (1)
  • intubation (3)
  • IO (3)
  • Iowa (4)
  • Iowa EMS (4)
  • ireland (1)
  • Irish EMS (1)
  • IV (3)
  • jaws of life (1)
  • kindergarten (1)
  • kneeling (1)
  • las vegas review journal (1)
  • Letter (2)
  • letter to the editor (4)
  • lights and sirens (2)
  • Line of Duty (12)
  • link (3)
  • MABAS (1)
  • Magnum boots (2)
  • magnum elite equipment (2)
  • mainstream media sucks (3)
  • Major Incidents (3)
  • Management (10)
  • Mass Casualty Incident (1)
  • medical ethics (19)
  • medicblog999 (7)
  • mental illness (2)
  • mental imagery (6)
  • Mission Lifeline (1)
  • Music (1)
  • narrative (4)
  • narrative report (3)
  • new perspective (16)
  • News (23)
  • newspaper (3)
  • NOAA (1)
  • northern illinois (3)
  • nursing home (2)
  • obama (1)
  • odansetron (2)
  • Paramedic (195)
  • paramedic education (74)
  • paramedic narrative (7)
  • paramedic pants (1)
  • paramedic salary (11)
  • Patient Assessment (7)
  • patient care (37)
  • Patient Handovers (3)
  • Patient Management (77)
  • pcr (2)
  • pediatric cardiology (2)
  • physician (10)
  • politics (36)
  • potential (14)
  • PR (5)
  • pride (15)
  • profession (27)
  • professionalism (32)
  • Protocol development (5)
  • psychology (6)
  • Public relations (14)
  • puke (2)
  • rant (7)
  • relationships (2)
  • renaisance (1)
  • rescue (1)
  • rescuing providence (1)
  • RN (3)
  • Rockford (1)
  • roll-over (1)
  • run sheet (2)
  • rural ems (3)
  • sadness (6)
  • safety (4)
  • salary (7)
  • sanitize (3)
  • save (3)
  • scenario (13)
  • scenario based training (15)
  • school bus (1)
  • Scope of Practice (4)
  • severe storm pictures (2)
  • sherman frederick (1)
  • shift length (2)
  • show tunes (1)
  • SitRep (1)
  • Skilled Nursing Facility (2)
  • SMG (7)
  • SMO (7)
  • soap (4)
  • soap charting (3)
  • socialized medicine (4)
  • southern wisconsin (4)
  • Special Operations (1)
  • STEMI (8)
  • stories (11)
  • swine flu (2)
  • Taser (1)
  • tattoo (1)
  • tattoo humor (1)
  • Technology & Communications (9)
  • technology-communications-ems-topics (10)
  • thank you (3)
  • The EMT Spot (2)
  • The Handover (3)
  • The Shine Factor (2)
  • thom dick (1)
  • thunderstorm (1)
  • train derailment (1)
  • train explosion (1)
  • Training (16)
  • Training & Development (49)
  • training-fire-rescue-topics (19)
  • Transfer of Care (1)
  • UK Child custody (1)
  • UK medic attacked (1)
  • UK paramedics (5)
  • Uncategorized (230)
  • united kingdom (4)
  • universal healthcare (5)
  • us (2)
  • US economy (11)
  • Vehicle Operation & Ambulances (3)
  • Vehicle Operations & Apparatus (1)
  • Videos (3)
  • volunteer fire department (9)
  • volunteer firefighter (6)
  • wall cloud (1)
  • Week (1)
  • whattaya do (4)
  • when god made paramedics (1)
  • wisconsin (3)
  • wolf parkinson white (1)
  • wpw (1)
  • wpw syndrome (1)
  • Your Happy Medic (5)
  • zofran (1)
  • Comments
    mr618
    Welcome to the Club
    Well said, Chris. We can't save everybody, but the ones we don't save tend to stick around a lot longer than the ones we do save.
    2014-10-18 14:40:00
    Steel City Medic
    Welcome to the Club
    Particularly appropriate for me this week. Thanks.
    2014-09-23 21:46:00
    DiverMedic
    Welcome to the Club
    Very well done, Chris.
    2014-09-17 22:15:00
    DiverMedic
    My Blogroll
    One of these days you'll figure out where my blog is... :)
    2014-09-17 22:11:00
    emtterri123
    Six Tricks You Can Use Today to Improve Your EMS Narrative Report
    The first and best way to get people reading you to think that you are an idiot is to pepper your writing with spelling and grammatical errors. It makes you look dumb. - Me thinks this should have been restructured as it does not flow and caused me to reread it several times. lol :)
    2014-09-17 08:27:00

    Care to Search the Blog?

    FireEMS Blogs eNewsletter

    Sign-up to receive our free monthly eNewsletter

    LATEST EMS NEWS

    HOT FORUM DISCUSSIONS