04/01/2013 – Peoria, Illinois
Calling it “A save right in the nick of time” Paramedic Jules Slatterly thanked chronic system abuser Wade Fugman for waking her up at 03:37am last Thursday.
Paramedic Slatterly explains “We had been running pretty hard all day on our 24-hour shift, with around 11 calls between noon and 1am. I finished all of the reports I was down around 0300hrs and was finally able to catch some sleep in the bunk room.” She added “I was so tired I didn’t even take my boots off.”
But that’s when Paramedic Slatterly’s early morning took a turn towards the disturbing…
“We all know that when you’re chronically sleep deprived that you can sometimes have some weird dreams. Well that night, I was having me a doozy of a nightmare. First I was naked in my Freshman English class, then every boy who ever forgot to ask me out on a date came by to laugh at my lifetime income potential as an EMS provider. If I would have been awake I would have been in tears.” Paramedic Slattery stated as she described her nightmare that affected her short amount of sleep that night.
But that’s when Mr. Fugman stepped in for the rescue.
“I was hungry and there ain’t no food like hospital food fo when you’s hungry.” Mr. Fugman told us. “You know them little juice cups? I get most of my Vitamin C from those Cranberry ones. I can’t get enough of ‘um. So sure enough, my sciatica started actin’ right on cue and 911 is just a phone call away.” Mr. Fugman, who calls 911 at least “four or five times a week” stated that he didn’t know he was saving Paramedic Slatterly from her short-lived nightmare, but he said he wasn’t surprised.
“I give those ambulance drivers their workout, I do. Since my sciatica is so painful I can’t be bothered to walk down the stairs from my apartment, let alone walk out of my back bedroom and down the hallway. It’s not my fault that the elevator’s broken. Let them ambulance drivers earn all those millions they get.”
At press time, Paramedic Slatterly was only slightly hallucinating from sheer exhaustion while working at her second part-time job.