Neighboring Ambulance Service Finally Admits to being “A Bunch of Idiots”

“I guess they’ve been right this whole time” opined Chief Dave Schlemmer of the Neighboring Ambulance Service, “we really are a bunch of idiots.”

In a small ceremony attended by various members of the media and numerous ambulance service members, the Neighboring Ambulance Service finally admitted that they are, in fact, “a bunch of idiots who wouldn’t know a bandage from a banjo if they tried.”

“It’s been a long time coming, but I can finally see that those guys over at the other service across town have been right all along. We just aren’t very good at being EMTs. Our ambulance service does kind of suck, and we just aren’t always very smart.” Proclaimed Chief Schlemmer.

The ceremony and announcement was in response to years of hushed talk and whispers amongst the EMTs and Paramedics who work for the service covering the jurisdiction immediately adjacent to Chief Schlemmer’s district. They have referred to the neighboring ambulance service as a bunch of idiots for years.

Reports of such things as extended response times caused by ambulance crews getting lost, ambulances not starting due to having been left with the keys in the “on” position, and stories of the EMTs not remembering even the simplest of medical protocols have been circulating around the EMS community for as long as anyone can remember, but the announcement made by the chief of the Neighboring Ambulance Service has finally confirmed what many have always believed.

“We have a thing where whenever we hear their tones go off, one of our crew members will whip out their cell phones and play “Yakety Sax” while we listen to them on the radio. It would be absolutely hilarious if it wasn’t so sad” said an EMT from another local ambulance service as he was cleaning his truck in the hospital ambulance bay. His partner added “Yeah, hearing them try and handle a call is always a real sh**show. They sound like a bunch of nervous redneck terriers on the radio. We’re usually very surprised to hear them actually make it to a scene.”

The EMTs continued to tell stories they heard about the Neighboring Ambulance Service providing laughably inferior patient care, like the time they saw them wheel a patient into the hospital ER with the head of the patient on the feet-end of the cot, and the numerous times they’ve seen members of their service place patients on 6 liters-per-minute of oxygen by non-rebreather mask. One paramedic said “I can’t believe that they use those stupid-looking ambulances with all of those decals on the side. Seriously… they look so dumb.”

“It really is true that some people drag themselves across our jurisdictional line before they call 911 so they don’t have to have us respond to their call” said Chief Schlemmer. “We’re just that bad.”

At press time, the Neighboring Ambulance Service members all said that they hoped that “those stupid paragods from that other ambulance shop will finally cram a sock in it.”

—————————————————

Looking for other Recent, Hard-Hitting, Fact-Filled EMS news?

-          Neighboring Ambulance Service Finally Admits to Being “A Bunch of Idiots”

-          A Big Announcement for EMS 2.0!

-          Thank you, Boundtree Medical Products

-          Hospital-Based… Firefighters?

-          The “Pump It” Study Seeks to Prove Effectiveness of Chest Compressions in Out of Hospital Cardiac Arrest.

-          The Natural Alignment Movement – Freedom of Choice from the Orthopedic Conspiracy

From this date in 2013:

-           SeekerCenter: An Option for the Pharmaceutically Denied

-           A Weighty Protocol Change

-          Right In the Nick of Time: Patient Saves his Paramedic

-          Who Needs them Paragods?

-          Paramedic Honored for Inaction in Local Ceremony

background image Blogger Img

Chris Kaiser aka "Ckemtp"

I am a paramedic trying to advance the idea that the Emergency Medical Services can be made into the profession that we all want it, need it, and know it deserves to be.

JEMS Talk: Google Hangout

Categories
  • 2009 (2)
  • 911 (4)
  • 911 fail (20)
  • accident (5)
  • ACLS (3)
  • Administration & Leadership (88)
  • aed (2)
  • AHA (3)
  • Als (9)
  • ALS Intercept (15)
  • Ambulance (97)
  • Ambulance cleaning (4)
  • Ambulance Driver (6)
  • ambulance humor (22)
  • Ambulance maintenance (5)
  • ambulance report (3)
  • American Heart Association (3)
  • amulance (1)
  • appreciation (13)
  • attack (2)
  • bad calls (6)
  • Bed pan (1)
  • Bed pans (1)
  • bedpan (1)
  • bernoulli (1)
  • blog (5)
  • blogger (4)
  • blogosphere (3)
  • boy scouts (1)
  • camaraderie (4)
  • Case law (2)
  • cat puke (1)
  • cats (1)
  • CCC (5)
  • CCR (7)
  • CDC (1)
  • change (22)
  • chart (1)
  • CISD (3)
  • ckemtp (14)
  • ckemtp rants (30)
  • cnn fail (1)
  • code-3 (2)
  • comfort (1)
  • Command & Leadership (54)
  • cool pics of thunderstorm (1)
  • courtesy (2)
  • cpr (10)
  • cpr fail (4)
  • cpr save (4)
  • crisis (6)
  • dave barry (2)
  • dextrocardia (1)
  • disaster (2)
  • disinfection (4)
  • Dispatch & Communications (3)
  • DNR (5)
  • Do Not Resuscitate Order (5)
  • domestic violence (1)
  • Dr. Bledsoe (1)
  • drive fast (2)
  • duty boots (2)
  • Economics (17)
  • edemse (28)
  • EKG (11)
  • Emergency Communications (6)
  • Emergency Medical Services (200)
  • Emergency Nurse (11)
  • Emergency room (11)
  • Emergency Room Nurse (5)
  • emotions (19)
  • EMS (259)
  • ems 2.0 (69)
  • EMS Blog (19)
  • EMS Blog Carnival (3)
  • EMS blogosphere (11)
  • ems boots (1)
  • EMS Conference (4)
  • EMS Dispatch (3)
  • ems education (56)
  • EMS ethics (56)
  • ems garage (2)
  • EMS Health & Safety (69)
  • EMS Humor (42)
  • EMS Management (53)
  • EMS Motivation (22)
  • EMS motivational posters (1)
  • ems narrative (7)
  • EMS narrative report (6)
  • ems pants (1)
  • EMS paramedics (25)
  • ems patient care report (6)
  • EMS pay sucks (8)
  • ems pcr (1)
  • EMS pep talk (22)
  • EMS practice (8)
  • EMS protocol project (1)
  • EMS protocols (12)
  • EMS rant (27)
  • ems report (3)
  • EMS safety (10)
  • ems salary (8)
  • ems scenario (9)
  • ems scenario based education (12)
  • EMS system (10)
  • EMS Topics (246)
  • EMS training (60)
  • ems uniforms (1)
  • EMS week (10)
  • EMS Week 2009 (2)
  • ems week 2010 (8)
  • EMT (75)
  • emt narrative (3)
  • EMT-Intermediate (6)
  • EMT-Paramedic Specialist (5)
  • ER (8)
  • ET Intubation (3)
  • Ethics (27)
  • everyday ems ethics (29)
  • explosion video (1)
  • extrication (1)
  • ez-io (2)
  • FEMA (2)
  • fire (13)
  • fire boots (2)
  • Fire department (38)
  • fire department taser training (1)
  • Fire Dispatch (1)
  • Fire Prevention & Education (4)
  • Fire Rescue Topics (99)
  • fire truck (1)
  • Firefighter (23)
  • Firefighter Safety & Health (20)
  • firefighter Tazed (1)
  • Firefighting Operations (4)
  • Fires (2)
  • first call (1)
  • first day of school (1)
  • first responder (3)
  • friendly (1)
  • Funding & Staffing (15)
  • funny (8)
  • grumblemedics (6)
  • Happy Medic (2)
  • harry reid (1)
  • HazMat (1)
  • hospital (5)
  • humor (16)
  • hurricane (1)
  • idph (3)
  • illinois (4)
  • In the Line of Duty (13)
  • infection control (5)
  • information (1)
  • inside the mind of a paramedic (16)
  • intraosseous (3)
  • Introduction (1)
  • intubation (3)
  • IO (3)
  • Iowa (4)
  • Iowa EMS (4)
  • ireland (1)
  • Irish EMS (1)
  • IV (3)
  • jaws of life (1)
  • kindergarten (1)
  • kneeling (1)
  • las vegas review journal (1)
  • Letter (2)
  • letter to the editor (4)
  • lights and sirens (2)
  • Line of Duty (12)
  • link (3)
  • MABAS (1)
  • Magnum boots (2)
  • magnum elite equipment (2)
  • mainstream media sucks (3)
  • Major Incidents (3)
  • Management (10)
  • Mass Casualty Incident (1)
  • medical ethics (19)
  • medicblog999 (7)
  • mental illness (2)
  • mental imagery (6)
  • Mission Lifeline (1)
  • Music (1)
  • narrative (4)
  • narrative report (3)
  • new perspective (16)
  • News (23)
  • newspaper (3)
  • NOAA (1)
  • northern illinois (3)
  • nursing home (2)
  • obama (1)
  • odansetron (2)
  • Paramedic (201)
  • paramedic education (75)
  • paramedic narrative (7)
  • paramedic pants (1)
  • paramedic salary (11)
  • Patient Assessment (7)
  • patient care (38)
  • Patient Handovers (3)
  • Patient Management (78)
  • pcr (2)
  • pediatric cardiology (2)
  • physician (10)
  • politics (36)
  • potential (14)
  • PR (5)
  • pride (15)
  • profession (29)
  • professionalism (35)
  • Protocol development (5)
  • psychology (7)
  • Public relations (15)
  • puke (2)
  • rant (7)
  • relationships (2)
  • renaisance (1)
  • rescue (1)
  • rescuing providence (1)
  • RN (3)
  • Rockford (1)
  • roll-over (1)
  • run sheet (2)
  • rural ems (3)
  • sadness (7)
  • safety (4)
  • salary (7)
  • sanitize (3)
  • save (3)
  • scenario (13)
  • scenario based training (15)
  • school bus (1)
  • Scope of Practice (4)
  • severe storm pictures (2)
  • sherman frederick (1)
  • shift length (2)
  • show tunes (1)
  • SitRep (1)
  • Skilled Nursing Facility (2)
  • SMG (7)
  • SMO (7)
  • soap (4)
  • soap charting (3)
  • socialized medicine (4)
  • southern wisconsin (5)
  • Special Operations (1)
  • STEMI (8)
  • stories (12)
  • swine flu (2)
  • Taser (1)
  • tattoo (1)
  • tattoo humor (1)
  • Technology & Communications (9)
  • technology-communications-ems-topics (10)
  • thank you (3)
  • The EMT Spot (2)
  • The Handover (3)
  • The Shine Factor (2)
  • thom dick (1)
  • thunderstorm (1)
  • train derailment (1)
  • train explosion (1)
  • Training (18)
  • Training & Development (51)
  • training-fire-rescue-topics (19)
  • Transfer of Care (1)
  • UK Child custody (1)
  • UK medic attacked (1)
  • UK paramedics (5)
  • Uncategorized (218)
  • united kingdom (4)
  • universal healthcare (5)
  • us (2)
  • US economy (11)
  • Vehicle Operation & Ambulances (3)
  • Vehicle Operations & Apparatus (1)
  • Videos (3)
  • volunteer fire department (9)
  • volunteer firefighter (6)
  • wall cloud (1)
  • Week (1)
  • whattaya do (4)
  • when god made paramedics (1)
  • wisconsin (4)
  • wolf parkinson white (1)
  • wpw (1)
  • wpw syndrome (1)
  • Your Happy Medic (5)
  • zofran (1)
  • Comments
    Two New EMS-Themed Reality TV Shows on ABC | Public Safety
    More EMS Scenarios for the Real World
    […] Real-life scenarios are a powerful tool to utilize in public safety training. Watching emergency scenarios can help first responders analyze the best course of action before they are in a real-life situation. Watching real life scenarios such as those displayed on Save My Life: Boston Trauma and Boston EMS allows public safety personnel to look at…
    2015-07-31 15:08:30
    Amy Lee
    The Home Cook vs. the Professional Chef – What EMS Can Learn from Cooking
    Cookbook medicine. The Medical Director of my Paramedic School...way back when...was fond of saying that. It was a term I took seriously, and wasn't afraid of branching away from those "recipes". I still take it seriously as a LPN, working geriatric dementia. Some people get stuck, or don't bother to utilize the critical thinking skills…
    2015-07-25 12:05:00
    The Home Cook vs. the Professional Chef - What EMS Can Learn from Cooking | Life Under the Lights
    Call PAPPA for Chest Pain – A helpful Mnemonic for Paramedics and EMTs
    […] a pulmonary embolism, aneurysm, pneumothorax, pericarditis, or an acute coronary syndrome (PAPPA for chest pain) and know how to differentiate between and tailor their treatment towards those […]
    2015-07-24 10:15:23
    Ckemtp
    The Home Cook vs. the Professional Chef – What EMS Can Learn from Cooking
    You're the guy? I knew I had a chef or two in the audience! Thanks for the kind words.
    2015-07-23 18:12:00
    PJ_Geraghty
    Red Lights to the Left of them, Blue to the right! – Coloring Emergency Lighting
    I really thought we had settled all this on UseNet in the 1990s. (Kidding, kind of.) As a now-retired responder, the bigger issue is our over-use of emergency response in general. We kill/injure many more people (civilian and provider) in "emergency" responses than we save. We need a national standard dictating which cases and which…
    2015-07-23 17:19:00

    Care to Search the Blog?

    FireEMS Blogs eNewsletter

    Sign-up to receive our free monthly eNewsletter

    LATEST EMS NEWS

    HOT FORUM DISCUSSIONS