I Cannot Lie, I Laugh on the Ambulance

I may bash some of the more over the top EMS memes out there, but never let it be said that I don’t like EMS humor. With as stressful and sleep-deprivingly intense as this job can get some days I’m lucky enough to find it just hilarious enough to allow me to keep my sanity mostly intact. I tend to joke around a lot and while I think I’m hilarious, I know that not all of those jokes are good. My partners will tell you that my ambulance jokes were funny around the first hundred times they heard them; My kids will tell you that my dad jokes are terrible and then roll their eyes while looking at their iPads; and my wife wasn’t paying attention as I was babbling on about whatever I was babbling on about but when I ask her if she still finds me funny she mumbles “yes dear” so there’s that.

What I’m saying is, while there’s a line I don’t like to cross when it comes to EMS professionalism and respect for the profession, such as pictures that you shouldn’t believe or T-shirt slogans that make us look like guys who drive windowless vans, I still find this job and my daily shifts to be wildly funny. I even maintain a page on this blog where I ask for reader submissions for “Patient-Friendly Jokes” that I can use to crack wise with the sick people when I have them strapped to my cot. Captive audience members always give me a polite laugh when I have a needle in my hand.

Every now and then though, I come up with comedy gold.

The other shift my paramedic ambulance responded to assist a BLS truck with a younger adult patient having a seizure. When we arrived, the patient was still seizing on the floor of her apartment and the patient’s family was rightly concerned. The atmosphere was tense, the emotions were running high, and when we showed up, there was the expectation that us paramedics had arrived to take charge and make the situation better.

Fortunately, an IV start and 5mg of versed were all that it took to end the patient’s seizure activity and soon all signs were pointing towards normal. Her vitals came back into a normal range and her normal mentation was starting to return. We still needed to take her into the hospital to be looked over by the smart people in scrubs, but the emergency phase of the call was over and everyone could start to relax.

As we rolled the patient onto a blanket so we could get it under her to use as a lifting aide, the patient’s mother started saying how we needed to get “the patient’s big butt” onto the blanket and onto the cot. She wasn’t being mean. The patient having a “big butt” was apparently a term of endearment between the two of them and we took it as such. Still, when the mother kept making comments about the patient’s “big butt” I couldn’t help myself.

“That’s ok ma’am, we’re all very honest people”

The police officer thought it was funny. I thought it was hilarious.

Them other medics can't deny...

Them other medics can’t deny…